Teaser

2005-10-03 - 7:00 p.m.

I've decided.

I'm not telling till I tell the firm.

Bug me to tell!

Then I'll start posting again!

Roger That

2005-09-25 - 10:43 p.m.

Sorry, just keeping with the Houston theme. I haven't heard anything from anyone, but I see my one cousin's buddy symbol on AIM now and then. I think he's probably fine. And my one uncle is ok, since I heard about his recent love-life drama. The rest, however, is harder, since the three little guys spent the time with a family with a stone house. Apparently Saturday morning they were ok. I don't call, because I wait to hear from my grandparents...

It's something I try not to think about -- that I am a peripheral part of my family. I suppose we all are. Being an only child is not an enjoyable feeling, however. I am very happy for Rockstar Mommy and Miss Zoot, since their children have siblings, and have someone to share growing with. I don't think all siblings get along, don't get me wrong. My mother has five brothers, and she's not close to any of them. But having that childhood in common, having someone there to know who you are and why you are that way, those are precious ties to have.

I am sure the kids are safe and sound. I am sure everything will be fine. I just wish they'd want to let me know.

And now, to stop whining: I am SO glad everyone is safe! Thank you for letting me know you're ok. Because here we are, without knowing each other if we pass in the street, but we want to make sure each other are happy and safe and that we all fall asleep at night without worries in our heads. Thank you for listening and reading. I do appreciate it, and I love hearing from you.

Houston we have a problem

2005-09-22 - 4:59 p.m.

Yeah, yeah, I don't live in Houston, the problem doesn't look as bad for Houston now as it did, and 10,000 other blogs have this title right now for their entries today. However.

My godson, my first love of my life (he's so adorable!) is with his batshit mother there right now. And she and her three sons (the other two are cute, but not my godsons, they are just two more cousins) are STAYING in Houston.

Why?

Because she "had" to have a Lincoln Navigator back when she was married to my uncle. Along with a maid/housekeeper/nanny. And several other billion things. Yes, she did work. No, they didn't have the money, because they were trying to run a business. Now, my uncle is something of an idiot as well. Which makes it all the worse for the kids.

So, yeah, RITA GO AWAY!

Hugs to everyone stuck in these situations. And all we have is snow up north, so MOVE HERE!

Not a Troll But

2005-09-20 - 7:14 p.m.

Dear Joe,

I don't know who you are. You didn't leave an email address or a blogsite. And in fact, I believe you gave half-assvice. Or you're a spammer. I really can't tell. This is all in a comment to the entry I wrote when I was upset about something. Most of your advice seems taken from a Watchtower (no, really, I googled some of the sentences. It really is from a Watchtower.). Most of it doesn't even come close to applying. And it's obvious you're a Jehovah's Witness spammer. I have nothing against the Witnesses. They're sweet people.

But since you spammed me, I am now going to take your post and snark it. It made me feel good! And I'm sure in your heart of hearts, that should make me happy. If it doesn't, you can always just reference no. 14.

1. Keep in mind that your situation can be changed
Umm, that was the problem. It's something that can't be changed. I believe the alternative is called acceptance, and I'm going for that.

2. Do not be unreasonably demanding of yourself.
Dude, do you read my blog? Ever? I am a HUGE Type A personality. I still don't think it's demanding to want to continue relationships.

3. Feel content about yourself in general.
Um, ok. I'm good enough, I'm smart enough...

4. Develop good habits in eating and exercise, and get adequate sleep.
Ummm... yeah. If I'm physically fit, I will be more friendly?

5. Use the time you spend alone doing creative things and learning new skills.
I'm in law school, dude. I spend time alone studying.

6. Be careful not to judge people you meet on the basis of your past experiences.
Again, que?

7. Value your friends and their unique qualities. Work toward developing a good circle of friends. Ask for ideas from older, experienced ones.
DId you even READ the post?

8. Do something for others—give them a smile, express a kind word, share a thought from the Bible with them. Feeling needed by others is an antidote to loneliness.
Wow. Totally good to push the codependent relationships. Oh, and I'm friends with people who you'd call heathens.

9. Avoid fantasizing about movie or TV stars or Internet or literature characters, imagining a relationship with them.
I realize I have a picture of Eddie Izzard up on my site. Nonetheless, I like my husband a WHOLE lot more. He bathes!

10. If you are married, do not expect your mate to meet all your emotional needs. Learn to give and take, to help and support each other.
You know, because those vows just aren't enough. But a comment in my blog TOTALLY works. Thanks! (Also, I tend to think you should have friends OUTSIDE your marriage.)

11. Learn to talk to others and to be a good listener. Focus on other people and their interests. Show empathy.
I'm sorry, what did you say? Oh, that's right, I don't care.

12. Acknowledge that you feel lonely, and talk to a mature friend, someone you trust. Don't suffer in silence.
How mature? Like, they watch Matlock or Murder She Wrote? Cos I talk to my grandma all the time...

13. Avoid drinking too much, or do not drink at all. Alcohol does not drown your problems—with time they float to the surface again.
I. Do. Not. Drink.

14. Avoid pride. Forgive those who hurt you, and make amends. Be willing to let down your defenses.
This should be about five pieces of advice. Even Jesus broke up these lessons more, and he had less time.

just upset

2005-09-18 - 12:57 a.m.

Note - this entry is just me rambling at one in the morning because i'm upset. If it doesn't make sense, I'm sorry, but this is more of a diary entry for me rather than anyone else. Thanks.

****************************************************

This weekend has been a bunch of realizations for me. None of them have been too pleasant. A lot of them are about how I'm not very close to many people, and that I can't really expect much from those I wish I could.

Sometimes, you cut losses because when you weigh the good against the bad, you realize the hurt isn't worth it. I decided tonight, after thinking about how many times this group has just left me with nothing, that I don't want to be a part of it anymore. I don't have a reason. These people don't stay in contact, didn't bother to come to my wedding, and generally bailed on me whenever I needed them. There's a saying "You get out what you put in." I think it's the biggest load of garbage I've ever heard. There are too many relationships, both platonic and romantic, that are a testament to the assinine quality of that statement. It takes two parties to give. And If one party only puts forth minimal effort at best, it's not the other person's place to take up that slack everytime.

I don't really know how to describe this in words. I don't think I could tell The Boy, and he usually gets whatever I say. (no, we're fine. no worries there!) But it hurts when you finally accept that the rejection was final several years ago, and your dropping out of the situation is just you leaving a room full of people who didn't want you there in the first place.

I never really belonged to a group of friends in high school, and maybe that's why this part of letting go is so much harder. I learned it at an older age, and perhaps it's just that I'm immature in that sense.

And being in law school underlines those feelings. I've very rarely been accepted into a group of friends at any point in my life. I'm generally an outsider, even when I do get into a group. And I'm a fairly polite, nice person. But if you met me? I'm not the one you'd invite over to watch movies or be friends with. I'm the person who has to invite and coax other people to spend time with them. Even my best friend just remembered today (because I emailed her about something else) that she forgot my birthday. (It was two weeks ago.)

I'm sorry for such a "poor me" entry. I am incredibly lucky, both in my married life and in my career. I should be happy that I have everything I do have. I guess I just thought more people would be happy for me. And that's just not the case.

Minneapolis Monday - DC Monday - 2007-08-06
Okay - 2007-08-02
The End is Here - 2007-07-26
Two Years - 2007-07-23
Screaming to a Halt - 2007-07-21

previous - next